TIM E HOLDER

July 4th was tough. I’m not going to downplay it. It was tough. I was working, like I do every year, a fireworks tent in West Little Rock, working about 22 hours a day, coming home just long enough to take a shower, take the dogs out and feed them. I didn’t have time to love on them much, which made me feel like a really bad dad. It was hot and I was tired.

Every year I enter into this venture, knowing full well the amount of work it takes. I go in prepared to live on French onion dip and Ruffles and Slim Jim’s from the Dollar General. By the time I helped load up the left over fireworks on July 6th at 10:00pm, I was running on pure adrenalin.

But, it’s worth it. It’s amazing the people I meet and the friends who stop by and sit in the extra lawn chair I always have set up. Sitting there under a three poled tent with the flaps rolled up, aching for a breeze to blow through and chill the sweat on my forehead, an ice cooler with bottles of water and tropical Skittles on the counter. It’s not bad at all. I look forward to it.

This year was harder though. In the midst of preparing to get the tent going, a dear friend from Nashville, Greg Murtha, passed away. Greg suffered more than 4 years with colon cancer, enduring more than 70 rounds of chemo, 2 heart attacks and other ailments. In spite of it all, Greg showed the greatest courage and belief and faith and absolute joy in the midst of this terminal sickness than any human I’ve ever known. That includes Biblical characters. Greg never failed to vigorously look for places to show the character of Jesus. He believed in celebrating. And he believed in celebrating BIG. And he’s right. When the prodigal came home, he didn’t get a pat on the back and a “welcome back” key ring. They threw a party. A big party. A huge celebration. And Greg believed, and so do I, that any celebration for any reason, should be BIG. He said he’s been to too many memorial services that were morbid and solemn, and served kool-aid and cookies at the reception afterward. And these were for forever family. Faithful, committed followers of Jesus.

Greg’s memorial service in August was very different. It was a celebration to end all celebrations. He made plans before he died. He hired his favorite band from Nashville and a huge party with lots of great food.

I will never say Greg WAS. Greg IS. He waited and found purpose in his weakness. He has a book that came out in September,  “and my favorite quote from “Out Of The Blue: The Unexpected Adventure of Life Interrupted” is, “There is no better place to be than to truly, truly say YES to the prompting of the Holy Spirit, whatever He tells you to do. The answer is YES because we get to join Him on the adventure. It could not be better.” And I know that one day, when I get there, Greg will be there standing right alongside Jesus and many others in my great cloud of witnesses to welcome me home.

Within a few days of learning about Greg traveling home, I received notice that a college friend suffered a massive heart attack in Baton Rouge and died. Two days later, I was doing FB live, talking about the fireworks stand, and an old friend of mine who used to attend church with me, chimed in and asked where the stand was. After I told him to come visit, he said, “I’ll see you soon.” I was excited to see him. I was excited to spend time with him as we were going to different churches and weren’t around each other often. It would be good to catch up. The next morning, I realized he never got to the tent. I figured he was just busy. A few hours later, I got a message from his niece that he also suffered a massive heart attack at work and the doctors were unable to save him.

I was stunned. It was one of those moments when I just have to sit back and ask, “Why?” Greg left an amazing wife and son. He was only 51 years old. Both of my other friends were living life and were completely unaware that their time was limited. “Why?” “Why now?” I wasn’t questioning God’s wisdom or His will. I know that somehow, somewhere, there is good for those that love Him. I wasn’t doubting that He has a plan and that it will unfold according to His timing. I guess I was wishing these things were easier, as a human being, to digest and understand. I talked to my friend, Debbie Ganus and said, “I’m beginning to get the feeling we aren’t going to make it out of here alive.” She responded, “Me too. But, sometimes I wish we got a countdown clock.” I came back, “Me too. I’m just glad that I can’t really think of anything I would need to change.”

The spiritual side of me totally gets it. The human side of me wants, needs answers. It would be so great if all the pieces fell into place. Even for a minute. I know how my story ends. In fact, I know that it never does. I know that living, for me, goes on forever. There is no termination, no expiration date. I also know that no part of my journey will ever be isolated. I will never be alone. So, I guess the best we can hope for on this side of living is the waiting.

The more I thought about waiting, the more I began to look at the myriad of verses that specifically speak to that very concept. Isaiah 30:18 “Therefore the Lord waits to be gracious to you, and therefore he exalts himself to show mercy to you. For the Lord is a God of justice; blessed are those who wait for him.” Notice it does not say, blessed are those who wait for an answer.” It doesn’t say, “Blessed are those who wait for a blessing.” It says, “blessed are those who wait for Him.” Lamentations 3:25 “The Lord is good to those who wait for Him, the the soul who seeks Him.”

I think I spend too much time looking for reasons for life and too little time waiting for Him. To much time seeking the path for my life, when in reality, he is the path. To much time wanting the pieces to all fall together without having to waste too much energy forcing the square peg into the round hole. Psalm 33: 20-22, “Our soul waits for the Lord: he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him, because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.”

I bet there are not all that many people who can say their life has turned out exactly the way they planned. Sometimes, it may not have turned out as good. Sometimes, far better. And as important and necessary as planning can be, it doesn’t come close to the peace and joy, and the adventure of waiting on the Lord. I can only imagine the joy and laughter he must get out of the grand, mysterious surprises he throws at us, if we take the time to look. Sometimes, they are so subtle we really have to look closely to see them. But, sometimes, they are so astonishing, all we can do is say, “Hey, God!”

Waiting is not passive. Waiting is hard work. Especially when we realize that waiting may not be resolved in this part of our eternal lives. But we should wait expectantly and be prepared for the surprise of unexpected results. Wait in the Word. Be still. Be strong. Be willing to be courageous. Pray and be thankful for blessings you are going to receive. Isaiah 40:31 says that if we wait upon the Lord, our strength will be renewed, we will rise up with eagle like wings. We will never grow tired in running, and we won’t grow weary walking the path He has for us. If the waiting is long or short, we can be encouraged that the best is yet to come.

Susannah Spurgeon, wife of Charles Spurgeon wrote, ” The Lord has strewn the pages of God’s Word with promises of blessedness to those who wait for Him. And remember, His slightest Word stands fast and sure, it can never fail you. So, my soul, see that you have a promise underneath thee, for then your waiting will be resting and a firm foothold, for our hope will give you confidence in Him who has said, They shall not be ashamed that wait for me.”

So, as I was reeling from the death of three friends, I wasn’t questioning God. I was looking in every crevice and corner for the good He has promised. I waited.

Then I got this story from Joseph Watson, a friend of mine who travels the world as a teacher for YWAM. It brought me to tears. Psalm 33 says, “God’s Word is solid to the core; everything he makes is sound inside and out. He loves it when everything fits, when his world is in plumb-line true. Earth is drenched in God’s affectionate satisfaction. The skies were made by God’s command; he breathed the word and stars popped out.”

“Star breather” is intimately interested in every molecule of our journey and knows exactly where and how the “good” will all be bound together.

Joseph writes”

“Whoa! check this out! Whenever I teach for a whole week, my rule for myself is to never start teaching ’til I’ve memorized everyone’s name. To help me learn their names, i’ve written over 750 ice breaker questions. Almost every week, someone in the school will pick no. 23. And whenever that happens, I know it was God who had them choose that no. Never more so than this week.

Question 23 reads, ‘who would you most like to get saved?’ Whenever that question is chosen, i know that God wants the whole class to take a moment and all of us together pray out loud for the person the student says.

Sheila, 19, one of the students, picked this question and answered, “my sisters.” And so we prayed. When we finished praying, I told her in front of the class, “look how many prayers just went up for your sisters! God heard every one and his promise is that his arm is not too short to save nor his ears deaf to our cries. Expect to see God move on their behalf, and you let us know what happens.”

Well, God started moving immediately. One of her sisters we’d prayed for is a prostitute in Brasilia. Only hours after we’d prayed, a man paid the going rate to take Sheila’s sister to a restaurant for dinner. But, rather than him being another john, he talked gently to her about Jesus and how much God loved her. He wanted nothing more from her.

After dinner, she went back to her apartment where she lives with her two little sons. In the middle of the night, her two-year old awoke from a dream crying out, “Jesus! Jesus!” Prior to this, she’d never even allowed the name of Jesus to be uttered in her home. But, hearing her little boy, right after the surprising dinner, caused her to pray. She said, “God, I don’t know if I believe in you or not. But, if you are real, then cause Sheila to mend her relationship with our birth father.”

The backstory is that Sheila had never before met her biological father. She had spurned all of his efforts to reach out to her, angry at his having abandoned them so long ago. But, yesterday, Sheila felt from the Lord to reach out to her birth father for the first time. Over the phone they asked forgiveness of each other. Sheila knew her birth father had aids and cancer. But, unbeknownst to her in the conversation, he was gravely ill. In fact, a few hours after they spoke, her dad died – but not before letting Sheila’s sister know about his reconciliation with Sheila.

Now, the two sisters have plans to talk about all these things after their dad’s funeral tomorrow. Only an all-loving Father God could weave these pieces of broken hearts together. Have i mentioned lately that i love my job?!”

Wait for the Lord. His plan is so perfect. Psalm 130:5-6, “I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I hope; my soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen for the morning, more than watchmen for the morning.”