TIM E HOLDER

Okay, so I think I’ve gotten past the “embarrassed to the point of total mortification” stage to talk about it now.

A few weeks ago, on a normal, uneventful Sunday morning, I was standing in the choir room at 8:20, getting ready to go on stage to worship. All of us choir members normally gather upstairs in the choir room by 8:15 to run through the choir song, and then just hang until we single file it downstairs and on to the stage.

Coffee decided to set in.

I knew there were about 10 minutes to spare so I dashed to the “men’s room.” I knew this would have to be a quick trip, no reading the newspaper. So I raced into the stall. And, as is my normal discipline, I flushed the toilet, just to make sure all was well with the plumbing. On this particular occasion, I did notice there was CLEAN toilet paper in the bowl. Unfortunately, I was already prepared to sit.

For some unexplainable, unforseeable reason, the commode exploded. Water went everywhere. Like in a nano second. I was apparently in shock. I just stood there waiting for the tide to ebb back out to sea… Or maybe waiting for Moaning Myrtle to come screaming from the depths of the Chamber of Secrets. Nonetheless, it was a few seconds before I realized water was all over the floor, swirling around my dropped khaki’s and out the door.

When I finally became conscious, I grabbed my pants up. I grabbed them up so fast in fact, both my wallet and iPhone, both nestled snuggly in my back pockets, popped out and into the small creek forming in the men’s room. I wasn’t sure what to grab first, my pants or my wallet/phone combo. I was in The Matrix. The blue pill or the red pill? I grabbed the combo. They were both soaked. I laid them to the side and then grabbed my pants up. They, too, were soaked. But just the back of them was soaked. The front of my pants was resting comfortably on my wet shoes.

I knew it was only a couple of seconds before I was supposed to be on stage. I couldn’t see how bad the “wet” was since most of it was on the back of my pants. I ran into the now empty choir room and threw the combo into my music locker. I ran down the stairs, on to the risers, and deliberately stood on the back row so no one could see me from behind. I sang with all the gusto I could muster as I enjoyed the feeling of toilet water running down my legs and pooling onto the riser at my feet. For approximately 20…25 minutes.

Of course, the worship time would soon come to an end and the choir would be climbing back up the stairs to the choir room. Being on he back row, I would be climbing the stairs in front of everyone else. You have no idea how difficult it is to climb up 14 steps, backwards, with 40 people watching me make a complete dipstick of myself. Or removing all doubt from their previously undecided minds. Anissa Hodges was right behind me, or in front of me, whatever your point of view. She just looked at me and I said, “The commode exploded…NOT MY DEBRIS…pants were on the floor. They’re soaked in the back.”

By this time we were at the choir room so I turned around and continued my journey. And then Anissa said, “Oh…that’s why there’s toilet paper on the back of your pants.” I just KNEW she was joking. “STOP IT!!! That’s not even close to funny.” I could feel the red rising from my forehead to the back of my neck as she said, “Well, not exactly toilet paper. More like toilet paper beadlets.” “You have GOT to be kidding me.” Her husband Mark was right behind her and he said, “Um…no…there really is. Come on.” Mark ushered me, immediately, into the bathroom and grabbed some paper towels and courageously, dauntlessly proved what a true friend looks like. He began swatting my butt with paper towels. Suddenly, a tenor walked into the bathroom and froze, mid-stride, and just stared. Mark, not missing a beat said, “Somebody has to do it.” When he was convinced there were no more ‘beadlets,’ we went back into the choir room. I grabbed the combo out of my music locker and began wiping them down. I was trying, unsuccessfully, to get the cover off the phone, when Anissa said, “Did your phone get wet?” I said yes. She grabbed it out of my hand, since I was obviously a total dolt at getting the Otter Box off of it. Before Mark could even get “She can take anything apart,” out of his mouth, Anissa took it completely apart. Totally…in less than 5 seconds. It was amazing. I took it back and was trying to figure out how it all fit back together when Anissa said, “DON’T PUT IT BACK TOGETHER.” That’s exactly what I was trying to do. She made sure I was to get home and put it in rice overnight and not even try to use it till it was buried in rice overnight. I assured her that was exACTly what I would do.

At that point, I decided I should go check on the throne room and see if I needed to mop up any water that may have missed the drain in the floor that was obviously not draining and in need of as much repair as the offending depository. And, as is just my good fortune, I walked into the men’s room to find Pastor David Richards, our beloved choir director, grabbing paper towels out of the dispenser by the hands full and throwing them in pools of water all over the immediate area. He briefly glanced at me and continued his exercise as he said, “I’m afraid someone will slip and break something.” I lowered my head in shame and not a little mental discomfort and said, “I think, well, actually, I’m pretty positive I caused this.” He paused and shot his eyes in my direction for the slightest moment, just long enough to mutter, “Why am I not surprised?”

I’m sure, if we’re honest, we’ve all experienced a few of our own epic failures. Whether they are from mistakes of our choosing, or from bad choices made by others, and whether or not they are going to eventually be a moment in time that can be remembered with laughter through embarrassment, or heartache and grief, we all have, and will experience them.

I began my 28th CR Step Study last Monday night at the Wrightsville Correctional Unit. Twenty men sat around me as I explained the program and the guidelines and how the meetings would take place every week. Close to the end of the meeting, just before we stand with arms shoulder to shoulder and say The Lord’s Prayer together, one of the guys said, “What a refreshing change to get to come to a place and not be afraid to just be myself.”

At the beginning of every study, I say pretty much the same thing to the guys. And before I begin, I silently ask the Holy Spirit to stand guard around that room. And every time, I feel a sense of protection around the room, a vacuum. It’s a wall, impenetrable, that the enemy can not get through.

“Guys, this space, every Monday night will be a safe place. We will make it safe. I know where you are as much as you do. And I know that you are put in a position that screams ‘failure.’ But, I’m here to tell you, it doesn’t matter why. You’re here. It doesn’t matter what you’ve done in the past. The Creator Of The Universe, the One True God, has a plan for you. He’s prepared you for extraordinary things. You’ve made mistakes, sure. But, we all have.

Look at Peter. He walked with Jesus. He watched Jesus turn water to wine, heal blind people, make cripples walk, forgive the unforgivable. He heard words and saw actions proclaiming forgiveness. He saw all these things. And then, with just 4 words, committed possibly the most epic failure of all time. “I don’t know him.” But here’s the miracle of the story. Jesus, while he was fully aware Peter would deny him, turn his back on Him and walk away, Jesus still said to him, “You are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell will not conquer it.” Jesus said this, knowing full well what Peter would soon do. God’s plan for Peter never failed or changed. It stayed constant and sure and true. Just like God. And you are no different. Proverbs 22 says, “Surely, there is a future, and your hope will not be cut off.”

Here’s the truth of you. And here’s what I know the Lord wants you to know. You are God’s masterpiece. He created you anew in Jesus Christ, so you can do good things He planned for you to do long ago, even before the world was put into orbit around the sun. His plan for you was in His heart before you were born and He even wrote about those plans in His book, before you were conceived. So, if you’re worried about what He thinks of you, sitting here all in white, feeling like a failure, remember Peter. Yours is nothing compared to his.

God’s plan for you has never changed. And He will see it revealed and completed, if you choose to do the hard work, and like Peter, find the trust and courage to say, “Yes, Lord, you know I love you.”

We’ve all failed in one way or another. We’ve all messed up the plan in one way or another. You’ve listened to voices all your lives that have told you you’re not good, you will never amount to anything, you’re stupid, you’re destined to fail. And you’ve believed those lies and you’ve lived those lives and they haunt you and you hear them in your waking and sleeping and you believe them. It’s what you’ve been taught. It’s all you know.

Now, it’s time for you to work, God wants to renew the plan for you that He laid out so long ago. If you let him, he will equip you with everything good to fulfill that plan that will be pleasing to Him. Because His heart is to use you to bring glory to Him and His Son Jesus. And you can rest, knowing that the ripples from His plan for you will reverberate against the shores of Heaven forever and ever.”

The room is always filled with supernatural activity. I make it a conscious choice to lock on the eyes of every guy there at some point while I’m talking. They are transfixed by the words that, trust me, do not come from me. But, from a Father who loves them so dearly. And I often read hope in their eyes and a renewed resolve to trust the work and the process, some for the first time in their lives.

So, my final words to them are always, “Encourage each other this week. If you’re out on the yard, or walking to chow and you see one of your class mates, just say, “You are God’s masterpiece.”

I know some of you are sitting here thinking that it isn’t true for you. You have failed too much. God couldn’t possibly love you. Let me tell you what’s true about those beliefs. You cheapen and devalue a unique and rare gem that the Lord has created. That, my friends, gets to be your last failure. His plan for you is real and has never changed.

There’s a phrase in the Bible that that I love but never really understood until recently. You are the apple of His eye. What it literally means is that in ancient times, the pupil in the eye was believed to be a round solid object, like an apple. And since the pupil is essential for vision, calling someone the apple of your eye meant that you were telling them they are cherished. The Bible says you are the apple of His eye. Why would He say that? Because when He looks in your eyes, He sees the reflection of His Son. It means, you are treasured. Guys, it’s okay if you are afraid to believe that because of the hurt and pain and guilt and shame you’ve experienced in your past. It’s okay to believe that right now. Just because you don’t believe it, doesn’t make it any less true.

Then we stood arm in arm, shoulder to shoulder and began.

“Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.”