TIM E HOLDER

If you should ever hear me, for some random, arbitrary reason yell out, “ANFRACTUOSITY,” don’t be alarmed. Anfractuosity is merely the act or state of being anfractious, which is an adjective meaning “full of turnings or intricate windings.”

There are absolute, turning on a dime, moments or experiences in my life when I know change just happened or I can sense something is about too. Many times, it is part of my journey that I have no control over. Sometimes it is totally due to user error. But, a shift in focus is inevitable.

The past few days, I have spent a lot of time thinking about the anfractious paths our lives tend to follow and I wonder how much of it is due to mere circumstance and how much of it is the direct hand of God.

A while back, an opportunity came my way that I have waited for and worked toward for over 7 years. The chaplaincy at the prison I volunteer for came open and I found out it was listed on the state job sight only 3 days before the application process for that job closed. I went and updated my application on the site and clicked the button to send it. Knowing that 3 years ago I applied for the same job and my volunteer experience and work history got me into the interview stage, I felt confident. That night, I received an email saying that my experience did not meet up with qualifications allowing me to interview.

The next morning I called to find out why I was qualified 3 years ago and now, with three more years experience, I didn’t. I was informed that I had no official, free world ministry paid work listed and they don’t look at volunteer work. Somehow I inadvertently deleted my job history of 12 years on staff at a church before I pressed send. Although I listed the fact that I worked for a church for 12 years and listed everything I did there, it wasn’t listed in the actual “list” of job history, so it didn’t count. My volunteer status as denominational chaplain for three years, which means I do everything a paid chaplain does, only I don’t get paid, counts for nothing. I begged them to let me amend my application and fax it to them. But, I was talking to a real, live person who was well versed at the script in front of her and sounded more like a “press 1 if you think I care…” recording than a compassionate human being. When I hung up, I sat in a kind of vacuum, insular state for a few minutes, not even daring to catch my breath, for fear there would be no air around me and my attempt to breathe would come out as nothing more than a guttural groan. I felt defeated and alone. No one could fix this. So, I got up, straightened my name tag, and walked to the counter at work and spent my day doing my job.

I have lately been living in a phrase from a statement my pastor made in one of his recent teachings. “The message will always be consistent, unchanging. But, the methods should always change.”

Twists, turns, curves, bends, anfractuosity. Even with a never-changing message that is clear and sharper than any double edged sword, I never stop being surprised by the unexpected bends and curves in the road.

I wish God would give me a heads up when something is going to change. If He would just yell, “PLOT TWIST” so I could have adequate time to prepare. Then I could handle it all on my own, all myself, and not have to…depend on Him. “Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you, The days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.” Psalm 139

It is hard for me to wrap my head around the idea that He is actually on my side and knows what’s best for me…has a plan for my life that was laid out by Him before I was ever even conceived…knows when I want something, even when it’s ministry oriented, but still not His best for me. He knows when it’s time for me to let go of my dream, even if it’s wonderful, because He has one that’s better, and in the long run, will fill me more and leave me more fulfilled. He will sustain my gifts and grow me into that plan.

John 10 says “Jesus told this simple story, but they had no idea what he was talking about. So he tried again. “I’ll be explicit, then. I am the Gate for the sheep. All those others are up to no good—sheep stealers, every one of them. But the sheep didn’t listen to them. I am the Gate. Anyone who goes through me will be cared for—will freely go in and out, and find pasture. A thief is only there to steal and kill and destroy. I came so they can have real and eternal life, more and better life than they ever dreamed of.”

Again, recently, I prayed hard about a volunteer position that might possibly open for me in a ministry I dearly love. But, I couldn’t get past the feeling that God wanted me to grow in a different place. I wrestled for weeks. Finally, I heard Him say, “Give up what you think is good, for what I know is better.” When I finally let go, when I finally surrendered, I felt such an amazing peace and freedom. Real freedom. I was giving Him room to do something new.

I sent a copy of one of my stories to my sister. She actually uses Facebook as social media. Go figure. What a concept. She never reads long stuff, including mine. She is the Jack Russell Terrier of my life. Once she gets her teeth in something, she just doesn’t let go. She texted me back about 2 hours later and told me to go to timeholderblog.com. She started a blog site for me. A new adventure has begun because I cleared out space and gave God room.

Just when we think we could never love anything more than using our gifts just as we always have, we need to be ready and prepare for anfractuosity. He will change us and He will use our gifts for His glory. The key is allowing our hearts to be surrendered and allow our methods to change to display His unchanging message of salvation.

I wanted the chaplaincy for the past five years. David wanted to build the Temple. God told him it wouldn’t be his to build, but his son’s. I feel certain that David must have felt disappointment. But, God’s plan for David was better. I feel certain that part of the reason David didn’t build the temple is because it was through his line that the Savior of the world would come. And rather than the linage of Jesus being from a man who built a building of stone, the ancestry of Jesus would be from a “man after God’s own heart.”

That was a major plot twist in history that David thought would be his legacy. He gave up what he wanted to receive what God knew was best.

Anfractuosity. Another way I’m trying to escape the traps of human conditioning is to change my view of change. If I expect change, my knee-jerk reaction is to think, “I have to lose something for change to happen. What will I have to give up?” Maybe that’s why so many people hate change.

I think the word itself has bad connotations. Maybe that’s why so many are afraid to give their hearts to Jesus. What if we looked at it from a different vantage point. What if we made Isaiah 43 our catch phrase instead of “change.” Isaiah 43:19 says, “See, I am doing a new thing. Now it springs up. Do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and springs in the wasteland.” He’s doing a new thing.

What if we allow him room to do a new thing instead of changing something. Maybe we do have to give up something we love so He can give us our new, best dream. It makes it far less scary for me to think of the adventures of life as new things, rather than having to change. “He’s doing a new thing.”

To me that says it all. He’s doing it. And it’s new. And it’s going to be fresh water in a wasteland. Sounds like an oasis to me.

Anfractuosity is not about how steep is the mountain, or how sharp is the curve. It’s about the excitement of what is just around the next bend. And what is the next part of my story that He is about to reveal for His glory. It’s all about the word and how we define it. Looking at a word or phrase the way we’ve always looked at is not always the same way the Lord wants us to always look at it. And we need to be absolutely sure we use the words right.

Several years ago my sister took all of us who worked for her from Searcy to Little Rock for supper. I was in the front passenger seat while my sister drove. There were three ladies in the back.

Conversation Part 2: Don’t look for Conversation Part 1: There isn’t one. Two reasons. #1: Part 1 was obviously not important as #2: I have absolutely no memory of it. So, picking up in the middle of the conversation, the girl in the middle in the back seat says….
“Oh, that’s awful. Yeah, I knew this guy once who was riding his motorcycle through a corn field and he ran into a concubine and it poked his eye out .”
…………………………………..(crickets)………………………………….
Me: “You mean combine, right? He ran into a combine?”
She: “No…he ran into a CONcuBINE and it poked his eye out!!
Me: “Well…a concubine was actually a kind of second wife. Well, she didn’t have the status of a wife. She was just a servant, usually, who was around if the man of the house wanted extra sexual encounters. King David had, like, thousands of them.”
…………………………………….(crickets)………………………………….

She: “So……….what’s a combine?”

Children: Take careful heed to this extremely important warning. Stay away from the concubines. They’ll poke your eye out.

And, may the anfractuosity of your life be “all new things.”